Sorting Them Out

"There are plenty of refugees in leaky boats, I hadn't realized that Beagles was for bringing them here." - Uncle Ken

Obviously we can't bring them all here, we have to draw the line somewhere, and I've got an idea of how we might draw that line.  I haven't considered the guys in the leaky boats or the Muslim interpreters yet, this is just about the vast hordes that are clamoring at our southern border, which I think is the more imminent problem.

Forget about that asylum thing, it's not working anyway.  What we need to do is build a bunch of sorting pens right up against the border fence.  Each pen would have an entrance gate that was just wide enough to let one person through at a time.  There would also be two exit gates, one for the accepts that would send people into the US, and one for the rejects that would send people back to Mexico.

As each candidate came in through the entrance gate, he would be greeted by one of those drug sniffing dogs.  If drugs were detected on his person, he would immediately be sent back through the reject gate.  Don't arrest him, don't search him, just send him back where he came from, drugs and all.  In the event that the candidate claims that the dog made a mistake, which can happen, then  search him with his consent.  If no drugs are found on or in his person, then allow him to advance to the next station.

At the next station, each candidate would be checked for tattoos.  Anybody sporting one of those flamboyant tattoos that identifies him as a member of a hoodlum gang like MS-13 goes out through the reject gate.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

At the next station, scan each candidate with one of those new fangled computers that can identify people by their fingerprints and facial features.  Check this scan against a data base of known criminals, terrorists, and psychopaths. If the candidate is on that list, send him you know where.  If he passes muster, scan him into a data base of good guys, and send him through the accepts gate.  This good guy list will be helpful if the guy later loses his ID card or something like that.

What's not to like about this plan?  No detention facilities, no cages, no separation of families, and we don't have to feed them because they won't be in the sorting pen that long.  The cost savings should more than pay for the new system.  We still would need to fence the entire border but, since it's called a fence rather than a wall, nobody should object to that.