losing a tail, gaining a butt

I expect the reason that the non primates don't fling their feces is because they don't have hands.  Speaking of feces and the difference between primates and the rest of the animal kingdom, I was reading Cecil of the Straight Dope (I was wondering if we could add the Straight Dope to our shelf of reference material next to wiki and general internet research, but I found its search key words thing lacking) and somebody asked how do animals get by without toilet paper, and Cecil pointed out that the assholes of non primates are flush with the out of doors, but we primates, walking on two legs have maximized our gluteus maximi (is that plural form proper, newly discovered Latin Ace of the Institute?) and created a tunnel as it were between the sphincter and the out of doors.

I guess this is one more reason that we have hands, Our taxonomy expert may correct me here but I think the main difference between the apes (wiki has just informed that there are lesser apes, namely the gibbons.  I don't know much about them except that about two hundred years ago there were like a billion of them pecking away at typewriters (especially amazing since they weren't invented yet) and they produced The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire). and the non apes is that we don't have tails and they do.

I sit around and watch my kitties wander around and curl up and sleep and I am seized with longing for a tail, how languid, how graceful, what a loss it was when we got up on two legs.  On the other hand, not only did that lead to us having hands, it led to us having butts.  I have to think how even snooty cats must envy us our butts, like carrying around a soft armchair with you without having to carry it around with you, without being encumbered.

Like carrying around an umbrella.  I don't know about the hooded rain jacket, and I am assuming here a jacket made of some bright shiny material, which I have to say is a step above that coat that kind of looks like a dorky dress coat but is really a rain jacket.  I don't know, a garment that hides its function is most likely worn by someone who is untrusty.  Am I right?

Actually I was just listening to my Hollies CD a day or two ago.  It seems a little odd that the guy would have the umbrella, but she wouldn't.  Girls have purses so they are encumbered wherever they go, so carrying an umbrella would just be one more thing, and since shaking yourself dry all over like a dog is more of a guy thing than a girl thing, girls are more sensitive about getting wet


You know I know that there are arachnids and insects and inside the family of insects there is an exclusive little family of bugs, but you know if I happened to point out that there is a bug crawling across the bar and the guy on the next stool corrected me that perhaps it was an arachnid, and even if it was an insect, it was mostly likely not a member of the exclusive bug family, I would give him a cold stare in place of flinging my feces, well maybe just a flick.

There is a blogger dictionary?  I used to write my posts in the body of an email which I believe was under the purview of some Microsoft Word dictionary, so that when I clicked add it went into the dictionary and I didn't have to worry about it anymore.  For some reason that became too complicated and now I write directly into the blog and whenever I get one of those squiggly red underlines I click on the ABC thing and suddenly all those words, which I know are perfectly good words, are shining in hooded raincoat yellow.  Annoying.  Like the pendant who insists on the difference between arachnids, insects and bugs, but unlike the other guy who insists on the difference between the primates, the apes, and the lesser apes, who is a teller of thrilling tales.