No Normal Human Beings Need Apply

A normal human being, you say? Too bad, he'll never make it. We've had our African American president, next on the agenda is a female president, then a gay president, then maybe a Hispanic president, or one of those goofy people who want to use the wrong bathroom. Let's face it, we are no spring chickens anymore, by the time they get back around to a normal human being president, we will be long gone. (Okay, that was racist, sexist, and sarcastic, but it sure was fun to say.)

I thought that Chicago to Mackinac Island yacht race was over, but maybe it was the other one, the one from Port Huron to Mackinac Island. Those events are not for the likes of us normal human beings. First you need a boat that is so expensive that, if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. Then you need a skilled crew of healthy vigorous young people, which further disqualifies the likes of you and me. Then I suppose you have to join an exclusive yacht club, but I'm not sure about that. We have one of those clubs right here in Cheboygan, they've got their own man-made harbor in Duncan Bay, but they can't stop me from fishing in it because it's open to the Great Lakes, which makes it navigable water under both state and federal laws.

One of the club's founders is a bit of a loose cannon. At some point he had a falling out with his partners and bought a small private marina right next door. Then he put up a big sign on U.S. 23 highway advertising his place as "Duncan Bay Marina", and the Duncan Bay Yacht Club sued him for taking their name in vain. I don't remember hearing how it came out, but the sign was taken down a long time ago. I think this guy was still with the original club when he made this famous statement in a city council meeting. It was right after the paper mill closed down, and the city fathers were discussing options for the city's future. Some of them wanted to try to attract more industry to replace the jobs lost from the paper mill, and others wanted to go after more tourist business instead. Our hero was in favor of the tourist option because, "We don't need any more lunch bucket people in this town."

I thought at the time that, if I ever became filthy rich, I would like to buy a big fancy boat and name it "The Lunch Bucket". Then I would bribe somebody to obtain the boat slip right next to his. Then I would start a raggedy assed folk music band and call them "The Lunch Bucket People", and we would conduct all our rehearsals and noisy parties on the deck of our boat while it was docked in the yacht harbor. Well, I never got filthy rich, but a little fantasy never hurt anybody.