fire in the oven

The realtor's name was Reinhart.  There was a character in Invisible Man called Reinhart the Destroyer, and that's how we referred to him, because a man who controlled that much money and property and who had our names on a lease where he could squeeze the blood out of us and if we couldn't make it maybe we would end up in jail,was a powerful man indeed.  We stood in his office trembling asking to get out of the lease early and he just kind of chuckled and said sure.  I imagine that he wasn't unhappy to be rid of us.

So that was that, but then we decided we wanted to take a crack at getting our cleaning deposit back.  Me and Steve went out there late one evening armed with cleaning tools and some speed running in our veins.  Speed was always the goto drug when some arduous task was before us.  We were finishing up in the kitchen and I was doing the oven when I saw fire.  Fire!

"Steve."

"What?"

"Fire!"

"What?"

"Fire! There's fire in the oven."

"Huh?"

I want to point out here that this wasn't just the pilot light, surprisingly I knew about that, but this was actual flames in the oven.  My memory is that it was quite the conflagration, but in hindsight probably not that much, just enough to scare the shit out of a hippie with speed flowing through his veins.

Well what to do?  What to do?  Call the fire department?  My God, a fireman was not the next closest thing to a policeman, no way in hell could we do that.  Imagine a hook and ladder roaring through the curvy streets of our peaceful residential neighborhood, burly firemen in those odd hats and carrying hoses and axes and bursting down the door and yelling, "Where's the fire you stupid hippies?"

No, we could not do that.  After much discussion during which the fire in the oven died out, though you never knew if it could come roaring back and explode the whole kitchen with us in it.  Finally we called the gas company.  The guy sounded kind of bored, well sometimes when the oven is disturbed by like cleaning, the remains of food can become dislodged and fall into the pilot light and cause some flames.  Probably nothing to be worried about.

Probably?  But it sure beat having that firetruck come to a screaming halt in front of the house.  We finished cleaning.  I don't remember if we got our deposit back.


A fine story Beagles.  I particularly like the title a takeoff on The Cain Mutiny and possibly on Napoleon who was known as the little corporal.  I assume being gigged is like getting a demerit.  ?Where did you get the gumption to stand up to that drunken sergeant like that?