Howdy neighbors, you drop on in.

 Thank you Beagles I have been wringing my hands over this for a couple weeks and I don't think that was helping the Ukrainians at all.  I don't reckon that my matching donation will do much good either, but I reckon it will do something.

I see that Putin is seeking material aid and comfort from Red China now, but that Red China seems to be reluctant to provide it.  Of course, we don't know that for a fact because those Orientals are inscrutable.  Personally, I doubt that those crafty devils are eager to kill the goose that has been laying golden eggs for them lo these many years

This seem as inscrutable as Beagles finds the Orientals.  Who is the goose and what are the eggs?

I reckon maybe those tourists are getting fed up with those tourist traps like Petoskey, and are pushing up north to find something more authentic.  Tourists love authentic as long as the toilets are indoors. 

 There is a stretch just north of downtown with Ohio Street on one side taking traffic straight from the expressway into the city and a block further north is Ontario Street taking traffic straight back out to the expressway that leads back to the burbs.  In between these streets are a Hard Rock Cafe, a Portillo's, a big McDonalds, was a Rain Forest Cafe. but it went down the tubes.  All of this for suburbanites.  They can drive into it from the expressway on Ohio and leave it on Ontario without having to leave their little corridor and go into the nasty city.

I pass through there with a cold city sneer, "Fucking tourists," but at the same time I am glad that they are coming into the city and spending some bucks here.

And it strikes me that Beagles could be part of the tourist attraction.  I reckon you have lived there long enough to be authentic, and that swamp sounds very authentic, and you have that crabby anti immigrant attitude that also sounds very authentic.

Tourists could board a bus would take them out to the swamp where you would be sitting on your porch with a yellow beer, a roll your own hanging out of the side of your mouth, Old Betsy on your knees

and when the bus came into view you could brandish your weapon and yell "Git outta here you damn varmints, this country is already filled up way too much, git back to where you came from afore I fill you full of lead," and here you could shoot off a couple rounds, blanks of course because you would not want to pull an Alex Baldwin.  

The tourists could return their hearts athrob at being shot at by an authentic Cheboyganite and the city could pay you off with rolling tobacco, yellow beer, and ammo.

And maybe a gift certificate for an amazing Harvest Bowl which you could wash down with a latte, while all around you the other diners at the Nourish Cafe would watch with wide eyes, the guy that helped put Cheboygan on the tourist gravy train.