Wedding bells in Cheboygan

Well that was quick wasn’t it. One day you were enjoying bliss with the hypothetical wife and the next day you are looking for a gay dog to adopt so that you can marry him, and maybe some place you can rent a tux or at least a snappy cummerbund for the ceremony. How exactly did that happen? I understand that they ruled the anti gay marriage amendment unconstitutional, but does that mean that they automatically made gay marriage legal? Wouldn’t they have to also pass some separate law to make gay marriage legal? I ask you because you are closer to the situation, and because you are more knowledgeable about how these legal things work.

I see now where there is big patriotic pressure to send small arms to the Ukraines. This could be a big test case about how an armed citizenry can hold of an invading army.

I think this is one thing that differentiates my guys from your guys. We are always looking out at the world thinking that we can make friends with anybody, we just have to understand them and have them understand us. You guys, on the other hand are always looking for an enemy. After the doctor slaps your pink baby butt you open your eyes and see that there is something wrong with the world. It should be a better place, but it’s not, and the reason it’s not is some guys, there is an enemy out there and it is our job to defeat him at every turn.

The Germans make pretty good enemies with all their Teutonic fierceness and their love of costume and goose stepping and their language with its shower of spit. But they were vanquished by the time we came along, but the cold war was beginning, and those Russkies, they made pretty good villains too.

They were a little less threatening than the Germans because they seemed a little stupid, and they were drunk most of the time. Their language was alien enough, and their accents sounded sinister enough when spoken by the men, though rather sexy when spoken by the women, well the young women, before they became babushkas. And they had Communism which scared the bejesus out of any good American.

Those May Day parades with the constantly changing array of guys is fur hats watching and all those missiles hauled by big trucks, and that music, my God, that music. But then one day there was that breach in the wall and poof, they were gone, just like that.

But then we had the Arabs, and they had that strange religion, and their rhetoric was much nuttier, and, let’s face it, they were pretty ugly, and they didn’t seem to have any women. But even though you guys tried to put Islamofacists into Webster’s dictionary as a blanket name for them all, it never quite stuck. There seemed to be all different kinds of them, sunnis, shias, sufis, and some of them weren’t even Arabs, and they had all these different countries, and they always seemed more interested in fighting each other, and now look, they are all bound up in Syria having the sunni/shia fight that always creamed their jeans, and practically ignoring us. Us, the most powerful country, who they used to call The Great Satan, and now they scarcely know we exist.

Thank God for Putin. After all we have learned since the cold war, it’s hard to get scared by that crumb bum, drunken Russkie army, but oh that Putin, with his bare chest and those cold, cold, KGB eyes, he gives us a shiver.

And thank God, because for awhile it looked like the Chinese were going to be the enemy, but we’re so used to eating in their restaurants, and they’re not even really commies anymore, it’s just hard to fear them.

Maybe it’s a good thing that legal pot is right around the corner from being legal. it should make that old gay dog look better to you.