Well I guess I get to hear about greasing trailer hitches after
all, and from a man who heard it straight from the straight talking Fred Trost.
Despite the preface that it’s not that hard and doesn’t take that long, the
explanation reveals that it is surely kind of hard, and probably takes up a lot
of time, and anytime you get into anything mechanical like that something comes
up that you didn’t expect and we all know that everything in the Goddamned world
is more complicated than we think it is.
And I have to tell you, not that interesting hearing about it.
Maybe someday I will explain how to apply gum arabic to your watercolor paper
and ensure that it is evenly spread and how to dry it afterwards and how to
adjust your brushstrokes so as to take full advantage of the
medium.
I had to do a little internet research on Fred, and it turns out
that his downfall was claiming that BuckStop Lure Company Inc’s deer attractant
contained cow rather than deer urine, and they sued him and won to the tune of
four million smackeroos. I didn’t dig up the details of that landmark case this
morning, but I imagine the fatcats at Buckstop Lure lined their bench with fancy
city lawyers sporting spats while probably old Fred defended himself with his
thumbs hooked into his very best clean and pressed overalls. I imagine sacks of
cash with dollar bill signs on the outside were passed between the judge and the
spatty guys. Probably at one point jars of deer and cow urine, and the Buckstop
potion were passed along the jury.
I don’t know how PBS gets the rep for being notoriously liberal.
Once a week for an hour it airs a program called Frontline which is liberal, but
otherwise it is all Antiques Roadshow or Downton Abbey. And it seems like every
other week there is a pledge drive featuring doo wop singers or Celtic dancers,
interrupted every few minutes by minor PBS celebrities pleading for money and
repeating the phone number over and over. I would rather be in the jury when
they pass the jars of deer and cow urine and Buckstop potion
around.
I’m planning on researching that famous case later, but I am
wondering how hard is deer piss to come by that Fred Trost thought it was
substituting cow piss. This looks like the Trilateral commission to
me.
Yeah right, I am going to believe a hunter and fisherman when he
tells me hunters and fishermen don’t lie overly much. But then, as you know, I
continue to live in the Land of Lincoln whose inhabitants are known throughout
the land for not engaging in falsehood, so I just don’t come across lying,
except sometimes when I go to Missouri.
Since we don’t have a hunting emporium anywhere near downtown, I
can’t say much about the duck calling section, but I find it hard to believe
that inventing a new one could amass anybody a fortune. I suppose to really
test one you would have to have ducks strapped down with electrodes in their
birdbrains and see what their brain scans showed after various calls were, what,
blown? Not captivating tv I don’t think, not like watching old Fred grease up a
bearing.
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