crossing under the bridge in store bought shoes

What is this bridge that the yoopers call you trolls because you live under it, especially if it refers to the whole lower peninsula? Isn’t there some big bridge between the USA and Canada, the Mackinac Bridge, seems like I might have heard of that, but still it seems like the lower peninsula is a lot of Michigan for it all to be under one bridge. I guess that they call you trolls because of that billy goat gruff story, but generally people in one area use a derogatory term when referring to people in an adjacent area.

I assume that they think of you as effete easterners, and maybe southerners too, with all your mint julep sipping Colonels and hoop-skirted ladies. Not that the southern thing is very accurate but they are so far from civilization that they probably don’t know much about the rest of the country. I assume the effete eastern part is sort of accurate because I think you generally wear store bought shoes.

Maybe it wasn’t Uncle Buck, that dollars got named after, maybe it was Buck Rogers, yeah I think it was him. Even though he is of the future, he was around in the thirties, and I think he traveled back in time even further than that.

Even as early as my youth, I thought Buck Rogers was kind of old fashioned. I was a Video Ranger kind of kid. Don’t know what video had to do with it though, like the radio flyer that didn’t even have a radio.

So only male deer have antlers. Well I think I knew that, but then I got confused because I think beeves have horns whether they are male or female or LGBT, so you can see how it gets confusing to a city guy. That’s right, the reason they have antlers is so that when they fight over the does by banging their heads they don’t bash their teeny brains, and I think if one deer has really massive antlers the other deer don’t even bother, they just wander over to the nearest LGBT office and sign up.

Sometimes you have a scarcity of deer up there under the bridge? It seems like we have too many down here where store bought shoes are the norm. They always seem to be rooting in some suburbanites rutabagas or something, and I think they get out into the airport and cause havoc sometimes too. Maybe it’s because you guys are out in your deer blinds while we are buying little corncakes to feed Bambi.

These private shooting reserves, is that like the places Dick Cheney hangs out where they dump a bunch of pheasants out of a box and he gets to blast away? See places like that give you hunters a bad name. Not that we store-shod types ever quite approve of killing woodland critters, but if you have to tromp around to find them, or even fight off naps in your blind, at least you can claim some kind of sporting chance.

Jello in the red sea in Hollywood ay? Do they say ay instead of huh under the bridge. The guy that married my aunt and carried her off to Grand Rapids, was from somewhere that might as well be Canada, like Michigan, and he used to say ay.

I had to do a little youtube research on that red sea thing. Pretty cool, but it didn’t look like jello. Would’ve been nicer if it was jello, then the Israelites could’ve had a nice cooling snack as they fled Yul Brynner’s guys. You wonder why god doesn’t do stuff like that anymore. Parting the water under that bridge you guys live under would be worth hours and hours of the Jimmy Swaggert show.