god's real country

I meant the whole midwest as God’s country, but now that you mention it, what I really meant was the flat country, where those glaciers rolled the land nice and smooth and deep in topsoil like Illinois until you get down past Mount Vernon, when you start getting those pesky, useless hills. Not that I have much truck with Hoosiers, but their land is nice and flat, but once you go east into Ohio or west into Iowa it gets pretty hilly. I’ve been up to Milwaukee and that’s pretty flat, but further north there are all those lakes and lakes are associated with hills. I can’t say for Michigan but it is right north of Ohio, so I don’t think it has the proper flatness.

I won’t deny that hills are nice for postcards and stuff, they are plenty pretty and all that, and I guess if you want to be mathematical about it, you get more surface area per square mile going up and down like that. But it does make it harder to get from here to there, and having lived in Champaign for twenty years, I generally judge a land’s worth by how much corn you can grow on it and corn likes flatland. If you can grow a lot of corn, you can have cornbread for breakfast every morning, and you don’t have to go traipsing through woods with a fragile weapon searching out and destroying god’s cute little critters, like some savages.

No wolverines in Michigan, what is with you guys? We have plenty of suckers in Illinois and Missouri is full of puke, and Indiana is full to the gills with Hoosiers. Well way back Wisconsin and Michigan were full of woods before we chopped them all down and floated them down the lake to Chicago where we put them on boats and trains and sent them out to the plains so that a bunch of stupid Kansans could get up out of their stupid sod houses. Seems to me that those weasel types would like woods because they have those stubby little legs and wouldn’t be up to chasing anything very far.

Oh there will always be somebody believing something. Just a couple days ago I came across something on fb lauding some the new astrology for 2015. After 5,000 years they have finally come up with one which is accurate.